3 Months 9 days

KoKo, Arrishtk and Amanaja

My oldest daughter is going to be 17 in March.
Last year I took her to Great Adventure for her sweet 16. Initially I planned to throw her a slumber party at the Hilton Hotel in Short Hills NJ but when she couldn't get her friends to participate she decided she wanted to go to there instead. This year she wants to have a game party at our house and invite her friends and the rest of our family. I think that's pretty modest for a teenager.
I've noticed now that KoKo's gone the kids want to do more things at home. For instance, instead of going to the movies they prefer to rent a movie or watch something on Netflix. When Koko was here everybody wanted to go out every chance they got. Or at least it seemed that way.
Koko's birthday is March 16th, and exactly 8 days before my oldest turns 17. I'm not sure if Great Adventure is open that early in March, but I was considering taking the kids there to celebrate.

KoKo and Montsho

Is that strange? I mean.......that is where I was when she left.

We got to GA that day around 5:30 pm. Me the girls and a couple of there friends lingered and talked for a while before we actually went to the rides. We decided to create a buddy system and paired off into 'couples' for our fun filled amusement park extravaganza.
After settling on El Toro, a ride I thought I'd never get on, we put our bags and cell phones into the nearest locker, and got on line. The line move amazingly fast for some reason. We went from the 90 minute check point to the 20 minute check point in 10 minutes! Needles to say we were thrilled!

2 of my sisters went with there men/buddy to explore the park, but most of the gang was here waiting to ride El Toro. We all sat consecutively in the the middle of the car train occupying about 4 cars. We were too chicken to get in the front or the back of the roller coaster, so we played it safe.

The ride was amazing! Dips dives and turns galore! Just when you thought it was over, it seemed to start all over again! While going over a very steep hill into a long dip I noticed a necklace suspended  in the air just as my car went over the peek of the hill. What was that? In my excitement and adrenaline rush, was I seeing things that weren't there?


When we got off the ride we were all recapping what a great time we had on our way back to the lockers. I started to feel concerned that I hadn't called home in over an hour. I remembered seeing the necklace in the air and started to ask everyone else did they see it or if anybody lost a necklace. In my process, remembering one of my sister's boyfriends was wearing rosery beads, I caught up to him and asked if he still had them on. He didn't. He didn't even realize he lost them! I seemed to be the only one that found the whole incident interesting.

We made it back to the lockers. I checked my cell phone for any missed calls while the rest of my sisters located our strayed group members. One of them got on El Toro right behind us so she caught up quick. The other was on the other side of the park and we decided to head in her direction. No more then 5 minutes later my phone rang. It was my mom. "Z, Koko's not responding" She said panicking but trying to stay calm. The feeling in my stomach was the same as going over the highest hill on the roller coaster. I took deep silent breaths and everything in my sight disappeared. "What? Are you sure she's not sleep?" I could hear my mother calling my daughters name. I told her to put the phone to KoKo's ear thinking the sound of my voice would get a response out of her. I couldn't even tell when my mom did what I asked. I felt like I was talking to nothing. I started to panic on the inside but I knew I needed to stay calm. "Mommy!" I yelled loud so she could hear me though the phone was away her ear.

"Tell me what happend I need to know exactly what's going on. What is the nurse doing?" She tried to explained to me the best she could. The nurse said everything was fine she just turned around and Koko wasn't breathing. I told mommy to put the nurse on the phone.

"I don't know what happened. I'm sorry. I don't know what to say" I couldn't tell if the nurses tone was that of guilt or sorrow. I started to drill her about my daughters condition. All she could say was 'I don't know what to say'

"I'm telling you what to say. Tell me what happened!" I yelled.
"I don't know what to say, I don't know what to say". This woman was African but she spoke and understood English very well. What didn't she understand? What didn't she know to say? 
"Put my mom back on the the phone!" I barked at her. 
My mom told me KoKo still wasn't responding. I went over a checklist with her on everything to do to try to get Koko to breath again.
"The nurse is panicking. She's fumbling with the oxygen tank" My mom told me.

I asked mommy if the nurse used the suction machine to clear KoKo's airways. "Yes, but she's not getting anything out".

Mommy and KoKo

I felt nothing but chaos coming through my cell phone. I felt so far away and disconnected from everybody at home. I tried to visualize how my daughters bedroom looked, what the other kids were doing, what the nurse looked like. I just couldn't get the picture clear in my head. My thoughts was scrambled at the possibility that this time would be the last time my daughter would take a trip in the ambulence. And I was over an hour away.  I tried to imagine the positive alternative. I would get to the hospital and see my baby on the hospital bed connected to moniters, and the doctor would come in and tell me she was going to be fine.

I hear my moms voice again "The ambulence just got here."
"Tell them they have to go to UMDNJ." I refuse to except the fact that the distance of my daughters regular hospital could affect her survival. She's gonna get there with the doctors that know her, and they will take care of my baby....everything will be fine.........everything will be fine........everything has to be fine

"We can't. There's no time." A distant male voice responds to my moms instructions, breaking my affirmation.

Mommy tells me she's going with them. At that moment everything around me materializes and I see that I'm surrounded by my sisters and friends. My 2 youngest sisters had been crying. I look over at the guys in our group and I feel sorry that the trip they paid money for is being cut short.  My eyes fill with tears as we make our way out of the park and I silently ask God to please let my baby be okay.