2 Months and 21 days

It's been 2 months and 21 days since my Koko left this existence.
I would know down to the hour but unfortunately I wasn't home when she died.
Uwakokunre (Aka, KoKo) had Spinal Muscular Atrophy. Commonly known as SMA, this disease produces muscle weakness in the children that have it. KoKo had type II SMA and needed a lot of physical assistance. She was in a wheelchair and on respiratory support at night. Despite her life's challenges, my daughter was a beaming ray of sunshine.

On October 17th 2010 my sisters and I were going on a trip to Great Adventure which I had been planning for 3 weeks. It had been a long time since I went on a trip like that with just us girls.

I had nursing for Koko which helped me out a great deal from the point she came home from school to the time she went to bed, and sometimes even overnight and part of the weekend.
I want to make clear my daughter wasn't what is considered sickly. Sure she had moments; bad colds, pneumonia, hospitalizations, but most of the time Koko was the picture of health. She was happier then most girls her age, and her joy and laughter was as a contagious as a yawn.
She fought with her brothers and sisters for rights to the T.V. just like any other kid with siblings. Pink was her favorite color and she was crazy about the Jonas Brothers and Justin Beiber.
Her limitations was mostly in her ability to walk and get around on her own.

Koko had just seen 3 of her doctors earlier that week and the week prior. During these visits everything from her lung health to her diet and mobility was adressed and tested, and she passed with flying colors :)

Our nurses mostly helped with administering medication and cleaning and changing Koko. They were also her friends and companions. We all grew very close and settled in a regular schedule. So why of all days does the schedule have to change on Sunday October 17th?! I ask myself that every single day. If I would have just held my ground and stayed home with the new nurse like I've done with every nurse that have taken care of my daughter in the past.........maybe the outcome would have been completely different.

I went to celebrate one of my sister's 21st birthday last night. We went to Sea Thia restaurant in the meatpacking district in NYC. I had a good time I guess. It was a bunch of my other sisters (I have 7 of them) and their friends, along with my mom and one of my sister's mom. While everybody was laughing and having a grand ol' time, my eyes gazed across the room over my moms head, and everything went blurry. I must have zoned out because all I remember of that moment is seeing Koko's face smiling back at me in the crooked way that only she does saying "Mommy you're so beautiful", and then I was sad....